He's Making Melodies Over Me

  The unknown... How scary right? Can't I sit where I'm comfortable, where I feel safe, life seems good here and my faith seems strong. Yes let me stay here.  Well if you looked into my heart you would see that's  where I would like to be. Let's be honest for a minute.. I hate change. The unknown is scary, it's a place we have yet to go, we don't understand it, and we have no control over it. Thinking ahead is freaky. I cringe just thinking about all the things that could could go wrong, and how my response will be to it all. Unknown... New things.... Change....Growing   From a negative perspective, change can seem terrifying but from a positive, it can be beautiful. I believe that in order to see change in a beautiful way, we have to focus on seeing things through Christ' perspective. Since starting 2015 I have been able to look back at this year and praise Jesus for the work He has done in my life. On a grand scale looking back at this past year seems so small. The events in my life don't seem very important, but one thing that stands out is that I am able to look back and see that Jesus paid attention. He was involved in the tiniest parts of my life.  One thing I didn't expect was that change included getting me out of my comfort zone so I could grow and since we know how I feel about that you can know that I wasn't too happy about. Hours crying, lost friendships, gained friendships, my faith being tested, and getting pushed out of my Christian bubble.. Can't forget the part where I complained the whole time too. There were many times I cried out to Jesus and I don't doubt for a second that He wasn't there. But there were times where I felt He may have been silent and that's fine, He ultimately knows what I need.  He knew what He was doing all along, He has got me in the palm of His hand. Why?  Because He cares. Get that? He cares about our wants and desires and I believe that deep down He saw the desire of my heart, which is where He planted himself and the desire to know Him more.  He did just that.  All of those prayers I said, all of those songs I sing.. They aren't just words, they have meaning. Jesus doesn't mess around guys, He listens to our heart.  I have been blown away again, by seeing the goodness of The Lord. Looking back at this year, it was filled with struggle and a great amount of tears. I had many ups and downs like I said I'm not good with change but there was so much for me to learn. Jesus had and still has so much in store for me. He had to pull me closer, and getting to see a piece of the fathers heart keeps me coming back for more.  He doesn't always want us where it's comfortable, and that thought<— as much as it sucks , I've learned that the joy is in the journey, even when being dragged along kicking and screaming- It's what I needed. I look back at this past year and I see a small piece of the picture, I see an ending of an incredibly hard, but beautiful season. I couldn't be more thankful for this year. I can see things a little bit more clear, it's not messy and ugly as I once thought. I see a good shepherd guiding me, I  see a sovereign God, who knew what He was doing all along. 
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy.  Psalm 5:11 NLT
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Psalm‬ ‭23‬:‭1-3‬ ESV
The LORD leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands.  Psalm 25‬:‭10‬ NLT
"I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble, and he answered me."  Jonah 2:1 
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭8-9‬ NLT
Shepherd- Amanda Cook/ Bethel

What about the Broken Pieces??

What does he want with the broken pieces? All of it. He wants all of you. 
Trying deal with something on your own is hard, but when we have a God who knows exactly what we need, it  becomes a whole lot easier to handle the things that are bringing us down. He promises us he will carry our burdens. 
There is no way we can understand what is going on without wisdom. Without Jesus. It's impossible. We can't do anything alone. 

But what about when I feel so broken that a perfect God wouldn't want anything to do with me? It sounds like nonsense right? Like when I say it out loud I can't believe it, I never thought I would find myself in such a place, but satan is sneaky and he has a way of making me feel inadequate and that I'm too broken to be fixed or healed. Has anybody ever felt like this? 
My heart has been filled with such sadness lately and I have felt like I have been sitting in a place of darkness. A friend actually shared with me how being in sadness is sort of like a baby in a crib lying in the darkness, it cries and cries and what it needs is its father. But since the baby is in the dark, the baby cannot see the father, so it cries out for all of its different needs, but if they only knew, they would realize their  father was in the room the whole time sitting there. Kind of like our heavenly father, eh? Well, feeling like I have been sitting in this darkness it can be hard to recognize Gods presence even though I know he is there saying, Im here, Im here, don't worry Im paying attention to you and watching over you. Also I tend to feel guilty that I'm going to God with all my brokenness- like is it only because I want something from him- something my heart so desperately longs for- comfort. I feel so guilty and bad! I go to him in my joy and I have never really felt  "broken" over anything before, so  it feels weird that I'm coming to him with all my sadness and asking him God please, here are all the pieces please fix this and heal my heart will you?  Why would he want my broken and weak spirit? I just want to go to him with a joyful heart. I want my Father to see me happy...
 I keep asking myself..
WHY!?
Why are these thoughts going through my head? 
Why  and HOW do the lies sneak in? Why would I think God only wants me to come to him when I'm happy?

If He is the author and giver of joy how am I ever going to heal if I don't allow him to work in my heart and mend me back together? He's faithful to protect, heal and fill my heart!  
God made a way to know him intimately in the good times and in the bad times wherever and whenever through his son Jesus. That kind of love is incomparable, all consuming and it's a forever kind of love. God wants our broken hearts so he can perfectly heal them. 

The best rubrics of worship are those which are written in broken hearts -Charles Spurgeon. 
To anybody reading this don't ever forget God wants all of you, the good the bad and the ugly. He wants happy you, and sad and broken you. Because he has the perfect remedy to healing you. Him! When He died on that cross He meant forever and as his bride we have to remember He is not giving up on us, He meant for better or for worse and in sickness and in health. 

The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 

He gives us the ability to deal with what we are going through, he never gives us what we can't handle. :) He always makes a way through. 

.. "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.   That's why I take pleasure in my weakness and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   2 Corinthians 12:9-10. 

You are sooooooooooo loved and valued. God wants you to come to him with everything. He is a personal God and He knows what you are going through and wants you to know that we can't get our value from people because that will shift each day, but he is constant. 

But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by his marvelous grace. 
2 Corinthians  12:9

He has a plan and purpose for your life and everything your going through is not wasted, He's using every moment for His good and for your joy. He's working on you and transforming you into looking more like His son. 

And I am certain  that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is final finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. 
Philippians 1:6

Jesus gives you your value and finds you worthy and that's all that matters. He will pursue you and fight for you even when you pull away. He will protect your heart. He will heal your heart. He will shape your heart to be more of what he wants which leads to ultimate  joy for you. He knows what is best. Don't give up,  you are His and he will fight for you. 
Furthermore, because we are united with Christ we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.  Ephesians 1:11

Some songs that encouraged me for this post

  You Know Me-Steffany Frizzell "And nothing is hidden from Your sight
Wherever I go, You find me
And You know every detail of my life
And You are God and You don't miss a thing"
Letting Go-Steffany Frizzell "And all the lies that screamed inside go silent, the moment you begin"
Steady My Heart-Kari Jobe "Even when it hurts Even when it's hard Even when it all just falls apart I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart....

Each and every moment

What's good and what gets broken

Happens just the way that You plan"

 Find You on my Knees-Kari Jobe 

"So what if sorrow shakes my faith,

What if heartache still remains,

I'll trust you, my God I'll trust you. 

Cause You are faithful and 

I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,

Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness....

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong 

When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal 

When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, 

God I know that, you lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty"

It is interesting how songs you've loved forever have always been good and then suddenly get really good when you can totally relate to them and finally understand them. Sorry for being off the radar for a while btw! Thanks for reading! Comment, share, and show some love :)