He's Making Melodies Over Me

  The unknown... How scary right? Can't I sit where I'm comfortable, where I feel safe, life seems good here and my faith seems strong. Yes let me stay here.  Well if you looked into my heart you would see that's  where I would like to be. Let's be honest for a minute.. I hate change. The unknown is scary, it's a place we have yet to go, we don't understand it, and we have no control over it. Thinking ahead is freaky. I cringe just thinking about all the things that could could go wrong, and how my response will be to it all. Unknown... New things.... Change....Growing   From a negative perspective, change can seem terrifying but from a positive, it can be beautiful. I believe that in order to see change in a beautiful way, we have to focus on seeing things through Christ' perspective. Since starting 2015 I have been able to look back at this year and praise Jesus for the work He has done in my life. On a grand scale looking back at this past year seems so small. The events in my life don't seem very important, but one thing that stands out is that I am able to look back and see that Jesus paid attention. He was involved in the tiniest parts of my life.  One thing I didn't expect was that change included getting me out of my comfort zone so I could grow and since we know how I feel about that you can know that I wasn't too happy about. Hours crying, lost friendships, gained friendships, my faith being tested, and getting pushed out of my Christian bubble.. Can't forget the part where I complained the whole time too. There were many times I cried out to Jesus and I don't doubt for a second that He wasn't there. But there were times where I felt He may have been silent and that's fine, He ultimately knows what I need.  He knew what He was doing all along, He has got me in the palm of His hand. Why?  Because He cares. Get that? He cares about our wants and desires and I believe that deep down He saw the desire of my heart, which is where He planted himself and the desire to know Him more.  He did just that.  All of those prayers I said, all of those songs I sing.. They aren't just words, they have meaning. Jesus doesn't mess around guys, He listens to our heart.  I have been blown away again, by seeing the goodness of The Lord. Looking back at this year, it was filled with struggle and a great amount of tears. I had many ups and downs like I said I'm not good with change but there was so much for me to learn. Jesus had and still has so much in store for me. He had to pull me closer, and getting to see a piece of the fathers heart keeps me coming back for more.  He doesn't always want us where it's comfortable, and that thought<— as much as it sucks , I've learned that the joy is in the journey, even when being dragged along kicking and screaming- It's what I needed. I look back at this past year and I see a small piece of the picture, I see an ending of an incredibly hard, but beautiful season. I couldn't be more thankful for this year. I can see things a little bit more clear, it's not messy and ugly as I once thought. I see a good shepherd guiding me, I  see a sovereign God, who knew what He was doing all along. 
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy.  Psalm 5:11 NLT
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Psalm‬ ‭23‬:‭1-3‬ ESV
The LORD leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands.  Psalm 25‬:‭10‬ NLT
"I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble, and he answered me."  Jonah 2:1 
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.  2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭8-9‬ NLT
Shepherd- Amanda Cook/ Bethel

What about the Broken Pieces??

What does he want with the broken pieces? All of it. He wants all of you. 
Trying deal with something on your own is hard, but when we have a God who knows exactly what we need, it  becomes a whole lot easier to handle the things that are bringing us down. He promises us he will carry our burdens. 
There is no way we can understand what is going on without wisdom. Without Jesus. It's impossible. We can't do anything alone. 

But what about when I feel so broken that a perfect God wouldn't want anything to do with me? It sounds like nonsense right? Like when I say it out loud I can't believe it, I never thought I would find myself in such a place, but satan is sneaky and he has a way of making me feel inadequate and that I'm too broken to be fixed or healed. Has anybody ever felt like this? 
My heart has been filled with such sadness lately and I have felt like I have been sitting in a place of darkness. A friend actually shared with me how being in sadness is sort of like a baby in a crib lying in the darkness, it cries and cries and what it needs is its father. But since the baby is in the dark, the baby cannot see the father, so it cries out for all of its different needs, but if they only knew, they would realize their  father was in the room the whole time sitting there. Kind of like our heavenly father, eh? Well, feeling like I have been sitting in this darkness it can be hard to recognize Gods presence even though I know he is there saying, Im here, Im here, don't worry Im paying attention to you and watching over you. Also I tend to feel guilty that I'm going to God with all my brokenness- like is it only because I want something from him- something my heart so desperately longs for- comfort. I feel so guilty and bad! I go to him in my joy and I have never really felt  "broken" over anything before, so  it feels weird that I'm coming to him with all my sadness and asking him God please, here are all the pieces please fix this and heal my heart will you?  Why would he want my broken and weak spirit? I just want to go to him with a joyful heart. I want my Father to see me happy...
 I keep asking myself..
WHY!?
Why are these thoughts going through my head? 
Why  and HOW do the lies sneak in? Why would I think God only wants me to come to him when I'm happy?

If He is the author and giver of joy how am I ever going to heal if I don't allow him to work in my heart and mend me back together? He's faithful to protect, heal and fill my heart!  
God made a way to know him intimately in the good times and in the bad times wherever and whenever through his son Jesus. That kind of love is incomparable, all consuming and it's a forever kind of love. God wants our broken hearts so he can perfectly heal them. 

The best rubrics of worship are those which are written in broken hearts -Charles Spurgeon. 
To anybody reading this don't ever forget God wants all of you, the good the bad and the ugly. He wants happy you, and sad and broken you. Because he has the perfect remedy to healing you. Him! When He died on that cross He meant forever and as his bride we have to remember He is not giving up on us, He meant for better or for worse and in sickness and in health. 

The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 

He gives us the ability to deal with what we are going through, he never gives us what we can't handle. :) He always makes a way through. 

.. "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.   That's why I take pleasure in my weakness and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   2 Corinthians 12:9-10. 

You are sooooooooooo loved and valued. God wants you to come to him with everything. He is a personal God and He knows what you are going through and wants you to know that we can't get our value from people because that will shift each day, but he is constant. 

But even before I was born, God chose me and called me by his marvelous grace. 
2 Corinthians  12:9

He has a plan and purpose for your life and everything your going through is not wasted, He's using every moment for His good and for your joy. He's working on you and transforming you into looking more like His son. 

And I am certain  that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is final finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. 
Philippians 1:6

Jesus gives you your value and finds you worthy and that's all that matters. He will pursue you and fight for you even when you pull away. He will protect your heart. He will heal your heart. He will shape your heart to be more of what he wants which leads to ultimate  joy for you. He knows what is best. Don't give up,  you are His and he will fight for you. 
Furthermore, because we are united with Christ we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan.  Ephesians 1:11

Some songs that encouraged me for this post

  You Know Me-Steffany Frizzell "And nothing is hidden from Your sight
Wherever I go, You find me
And You know every detail of my life
And You are God and You don't miss a thing"
Letting Go-Steffany Frizzell "And all the lies that screamed inside go silent, the moment you begin"
Steady My Heart-Kari Jobe "Even when it hurts Even when it's hard Even when it all just falls apart I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart....

Each and every moment

What's good and what gets broken

Happens just the way that You plan"

 Find You on my Knees-Kari Jobe 

"So what if sorrow shakes my faith,

What if heartache still remains,

I'll trust you, my God I'll trust you. 

Cause You are faithful and 

I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,

Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness....

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong 

When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal 

When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, 

God I know that, you lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty"

It is interesting how songs you've loved forever have always been good and then suddenly get really good when you can totally relate to them and finally understand them. Sorry for being off the radar for a while btw! Thanks for reading! Comment, share, and show some love :)

I want more of You

Current mood: Thoughtful/Impatient
Current song: I Can Feel You

I see you removing stuff from my life, and like I've said before I know it' s for my good, but I can't see it yet. Where are all the new friendships, since some of the old ones don't exist anymore? Will you replace them with better? With deeper friendships and relationships? With you? 
In order to see and recognize the light, it must be placed in the dark. Light only shines bright among the dark. His Glory shines bright everywhere, but works the best in the midst of darkness. I want to see you at work in my life, I want to feel it,  I want it to overwhelm me. 
 "The more of you I see, it leaves me wanting more" 
Jesus, be at work in my life and allow me to recognize it, so I desire more of you. 
Oh God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself, how I praise you! Psalm 63:1-3

Take Me Serious: Human Trafficking

For once I just wish someone would take me serious. I feel like most people don't because of my age. I am 22 years old, and yeah I haven't lived a lot of my life, but I know a lot of things. Im tired of telling people about the things I'm passionate about or issues that I am aware on, and nobody believes me, because I'm just Ashley, and what do I know. I couldn't even count the times someone has disregarded what I had to say about human trafficking, or when I try to suggest a healthy alternative, I am currently being educated about it at school in my health class and at my work. OR how about when I talk about disability and access, and people also disregard that, because again I don't know what Im talking about, even though my entire major and focus at school is centered on disability.  Are you kidding me?   I got into it with someone, because I was telling them I spotted something that made me really uncomfortable and I then suggested that this girl, who was sitting with an older man who inappropriately touched her and she was pulling away, looked terrified, could have been kidnapped. I was told: "That is a huge accusation", (yes, I understand that), "That doesn't happen here", (Yes it does, it happens all of the time), "Stop associating everything you see to human trafficking", (Im aware of the signs, so I can recognize it), "They wouldn't be out in public", (Of course they would, they are trying not to stand out.) "Stop talking about it all of the time, that doesn't happen here, your are making people feel uncomfortable" (are you kidding me, what if this was your child? Your friend's child? It happens everywhere, right under your nose). If we can't recognize the signs and call it/report it carefully when you see it, we will never be able to make difference in the number of slaves in the world. I would rather be safe then sorry. I was in a position where of course I was UNABLE to approach the young girl and this older man, but that doesn't mean I refrain from doing anything. Even if it is not a case of trafficking, it could have been a kidnapping. It was clearly something suspicious and wrong, and it scared me. This young girl was so afraid of this man, and I just wanted to go over there and protect her. I called the Polaris Project which is a national hotline for human trafficking, if you guys ever suspect anything that isn't right, call this number!   1-888-373-7888
Even if it isn't directly involved with trafficking they do their best to provide you with ways you can help, and people you can call in your area to get it checked out. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE save this number to your phone. Calling could save a life. It isn't worth it, to just ignore, and to not get involved. If not you, who is going to say something? They have no voice and it is up to us to help.   Please don't just sit back and ignore the fact that HUMAN TRAFFICKING is a HUGE industry and it happens all around the world, in the states, and in your town. According to the Polaris Project website there are an estimated 100,000 children in the sex trade in the UNITED STATES! This is not something to be ignored, and slavery is not something of the past. Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and risk what you have?

If you want more info, contact me and I will do my best to provide you with other organizations you can look into, and information on human trafficking. Please spread the word, it still amazes me how many people are ignorant, unaware, and refuse to believe this goes on.  Comment, share, and show some love!

If Everything was Taken Away

After being flooded with midterms, I am finally starting to feel a bit relieved. Spring break is right there, I can almost taste it! Haha! I have  a bunch of homework to do over break and I won't be going anywhere, so I should be good. I cannot believe it is already April, this semester is going so fast!  I've recently just felt so overwhelmed, school, scheduling, dance, just got a job, and one of my best friends just left for Florida to go work with YWAM and I am so excited for her, but a little sad cause she was a big reason why I would visit home, and now she isn't there.
I really feel like God has me in this season of learning to entirely rely on him, thats what he wants all the time, but a lot of my friendships have been taken away from me, or just been put on hold for a while and it is actually starting to really get to me. I'm away at school and some of my best friends I don't really talk to anymore, for certain reasons. A couple weeks ago I just lost it. I broke down in tears to my roommate and it all just came out. I was upset I haven't talked to one of my best friends, and it feels like that friendship isn't even there anymore, I had another friendship just kind of evaporate, I don't even know what happened, and my other best friend just went to Florida. On top of that I had midterms, and I just couldn't take it. 
Why would God want me to lose some of my friendships, some of my best friends. They weren't bad friends, they were solid, encouraging, and incredible.
 What did I do?  I was feeling lonely, and that sucked. This semester I made some new friends who share the same beliefs, and we actually started a bible study where we live and I got involved with this Christian Fellowship club on campus. God always has plans for his children. When he takes something away he has something better. Its been hard to trust that and cling to that, but I have to. It is what it is, it's all I need. It is enough. 

This got me thinking about Job; if God took everything away from me, my friends, my family, my health, would I still be okay? Its hard to think about. How would you guys feel if that was all taken away? Would you still be able to praise God in the midst of all of that and maintain hope and peace? If you're human than I probably know what you're thinking..."uhhh thats a tough one and I'll get back to you on that." God can take my friends, but my family? Uhhh. God can take my stuff, but my health?   What about your car? Your home?
Jesus needs to be the bottom of our joy, he needs to be our foundation, because everything does not make sense and will fall apart if he isn't our true source of happiness. Thats the way he designed us.  Jesus wants all of us! No distractions he wants our hearts and souls.  It's a hard concept to grasp, that I really have to be willing to give it all up even when it's the things I value most...But when Jesus is what I value most it should be no problem.
Jesus is the bottom of my joy, and when Jesus is the bottom of my joy, all that other stuff doesn't matter. 
"I find joy in everyday, not because life is good, but because God is"

Finish This 12: Link up

I know it's a little weird but// I would probably be okay eating just sweets for the rest of my life. People usually have a sweet tooth, well thats's all I have.

When stopped at a stoplight// I tend to look at the cars next to me and see who is driving. You never know, sometimes when you look over there is a cute dog, or even little kids acting up in the back seat!

My guilty pleasure//  Pretty Little Liars, and french fries. Im so sad the season ended already! French fries..mmmm they are just so good and bad. I always choose the fries, over the side of fruit, whoops.

Favorite way to unwind// Usually just chatting with a friend, or watching television.

# 12

Five on Friday

Five on Friday everybody! I hope you all had a fantastic week! I am currently visiting my hometown and about to go to winter camp for our junior high ministry from my church. These girls are my absolute favorite and I can't wait! Heading off to that soon, so I  thought I would do a link up before I left!

((1))  Sunglasses from Francesca's. I already have a pair of sunglasses, but these were too cute to pass up! Besides a girl could always use more. :)

((2)) Prayer written by  O. Hallesby. On the last chapter of this book, and I must say it's such a good book! Written very differently, well from what I'm used to. It has given me a deeper understanding of prayer and has made prayer so much more exciting. I definitely recommend!

((3)) My cute new journal! I finally started using!

((4)) Be Still from Steffany Frizzell Gretzinger & Bethel Music, off their new Tides album. Steffany Frizzell is one of my favorite artists and this song is amazing. 

((5)) The Help.This Movie always makes me cry and never gets old! 

 

Lent: Giving Up My Expectations

Now I know what you're thinking, don't people give up food, or coffee or something else insignificant that reallyyyy may not affect your life and relationship with Jesus? 

So I came across this list of things to give  up for Lent, and it surprised me. I expected to see, certain types of food, or drinks, or makeup, or maybe a flat iron, or I don't know.. social media maybe. I didn't know much about it. But that's what I figured. I have never done this before, and didn't know much about it. I've been raised Christian all my life, went to a Christian private school, never learned about and honestly I didn't know anybody that celebrated it. I was under the impression Lent was only done in Catholicism...I know, I know, Christianity branched from Catholicism. But still...I hadn't learned about it until sort of recently, and that it is just removing something from your life that distracts you from Jesus.

So I read over the list and this is what I found....give up the guilt, fear, anxiety, comparing yourself to others...give it up! It's preventing you from a deeper relationship with Jesus! All fantastic things to give up. But as I thought about it more, and prayed about it,  God was telling me give up your expectations Ashley!

I was like, hmm okay God, maybe. I have been noticing this for a while and within the last few months realized it has been a problem for me. I hold people to standards and expect them to be a certain way. Where does it lead me? Well usually let down and then I get angry. So that can't be good. God has been trying to get me to surrender to this for a long time now and its been tough. I am giving up my unrealistic and unhealthy expectations for other people.

I can't expect people to: Always agree with me. Like what I like. Enjoy what I enjoy. Value what I value. Behave how I expect them to behave. Want what I want. See what I see. Desire what I desire. Treat me how I want to be treated. I mean the list could go on forever!!! 

How many unrealistic expectations do we have for our friends, spouses, our families, our coworkers, or even those bloggers who don't always write about something we want to read?? We cannot expect things to always be in our favor. It doesn't always work like that. 

Expectation is the father of disappointment. 

I can have desires for people, Just like Jesus has desires for us, not expectations. Theres a difference. He desires for us to love him back, but he died on the cross with no strings attached. When he covered our sin with his blood, he didn't expect anything in return.  Whats that I hear? The sound of sweet, sweet grace. 

Surrendering it all to Jesus and letting him take over this area of my life, something I try so hard to hold onto. Jesus sets the standard and I won't put that standard on other people. He is all the matters, he exceeds my expectations with so much more. And that's enough. He is enough.  

Bye bye expectations! 

Praise The Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.. who satisfies your desires with good things. ~ Psalm 103:2

What are some things hindering your relationship with Jesus? Have you realized it? Prayed about and let Jesus take over? He promises to be there helping you, every step. I can't do this alone, but he promises to help. It will be a process, but I'm ready for it. 

I want to hear about you!

Comment, share and show some love! :)

March Goals

How come I have never set up monthly goals for myself. Well this March will be a first! So here we go! 

---> Be more disciplined in spending quiet time with the Lord in the morning, even if that means getting up a tad bit earlier on my early mornings before class. That would be Mondays and Wednesdays, and I'm starting work at my new job, so that will take time away from my sleeping in days (or as my dad would call it my sleep-a-thon). So I will need to be getting lots of rest if I want to wake up early. With that being said, If I want to get up earlier, then I must go to sleep earlier. Ugh.

---> Maintain the peace in my apartment with my roommates. It's been a little crazy around here. We don't like facing conflict, and that has been a big issue lately. Oh boyy!

---> Give more.

---> Start coconut oiling ( oh yes I just turned that into a verb) my hair more. I have been slacking and OH the benefits that come from it! I have missed the softness.

---> Make my prayers more about thankfulness, and God focused.

---> Eat less sweets. You know how people have a sweet tooth?? Well that's all I have.

---> Stay consistent with my workout!

---> Blog more. :) And be intentional and serious about my blogs content.

---> Offer prayer for friends and strangers, and be willing to stop and pray for them in the moment. God is glorified in these moments, that so easily  I let it pass by all the time! So I should take the time and take advantage of glorifying him. Plus meeting a need of prayer for someone else is one of the best gifts you could offer.

---> Sign all day for at least three times a week, not using my voice at all. Today my roommates and I are strictly signing today. I need the practice, so I have to be disciplined in staying with this goal. Good thing two of my roommates are fluent! We will be signing all day, except between 5-6pm. Because Pretty Little Liars is on, duh.

So there are some of my goals, and now I have to stick to them because they are officially posted on my blog. Ha! Share, show some love, and comment! :) 

Weekend Recap

My weekend started Thursday and Greys Anatomy just made my heart so happy!! I'm a huge fan of the show! Jackson and April are my favorite and if you follow me on twitter you probably could tell by my crazy posts about the episode this Thursday. April went all runaway bride on Matthew and followed her heart and chose Jackson, and I loved it. I'm a hopeless romantic, what can I say?? 

Anyways hope you guys watch, we can chat about it!

So on Friday I drove to OC with my friend Emily because she's from the area and I was able to visit my best friend Nichole this weekend. We got to spend time together, which is always fun we have been friends since we were eleven years old. Best friends is more like sisters. She is one of my longest friendships. We shopped, both of us bought new sunglasses. We went to Laguna beach even though it was rainy ( but hey it's Southern California, it's still nice!) and drank lots of coffee and chatted it up like always. We went in the hot tub like we always do when I visit her and then made a night trip to beach. Always more fun with boy we kept saying but best friends will do. :) ha 

Our church adventures on  Sunday are always interesting. Especially this week! 

What can I say I love living in So Cal! 

Now it's back to school on Monday and I'm already ready for the weekend. Anybody else? I recently got a job so my weekends won't be available like this anymore, so I cherished it. Caught the end of the Oscars what was up with best actress??! Anyways how was everybody's weekend?? Those were my highlights, how about you? I am so no ready for Monday. Comment, share, and show some love! 

Break-Ups Don't Always Suck

Whether your going through a breakup or the end of a friendship or just leaving behind an old season, please keep in mind that "There are far better things ahead then you leave behind" - CS Lewis

Remember God brought you through the last season of your life even if you thought it to feel like forever and your pain may have dragged on for more than you wanted. People grow and drift apart and decide they want different things in life and I believe true bravery comes from knowing when to let go and wanting the best for that other person. If you guys know who I'm talking about well then you probably know the situation..  I don't necessarily know where God is bringing me to, and that's okay. But like I've said before we are promised goodness and only the best because we are children of The Almighty. :) how great is that? Nothing is wasted and he has so much in store for me and you too!

Anybody recently learning to let go and trust that God knows what's best? I'd love to hear all about it! :) comment, share and spread love!

5 Amazing Things About My Day

Hello friends! I am having a great week and it is only Tuesday. I was thinking maybe I will start posting five amazing things that happened to me or five things that I enjoyed about my day on every Tuesday and or every Thursday. This post was inspired by my lovely roommate Laura :)

//ONE// I actually got to sleep in today, it has been a little over a week. I swear I thought I was going to die of lack of sleep. You know what makes that even better..I get to sleep in tomorrow too. :)

//TWO// All of the exercise I got in today! My friend Emily and I rode our bikes to the gym, worked out for about an hour and a half, then I had dance practice and rode my bike back. This was so nice and it was such a beautiful day for a bike ride. :)

//THREE//  Pretty Little Liars was on today, and its probably my absolute favorite thing about Tuesdays. Once the clock hits 5 o'clock My roommates and my friends come over and we cuddle up on our futon watch, then between commercials dish out our theories for the show and its characters. Anyone see this weeks episode?? Thoughts?

//Four// Ordering a cute new journal from Amazon! I have been eyeing it for about a month now, just never got around to buying it. My last journal for my church notes is falling apart, given I've had it for nearly 6 or 7 years and I needed a new one, or just an excuse to buy one haha. Plus a friend of mine has Amazon Prime so free shipping! So that justifies the purchase right?

//Five// I was finally able to attend a bible study that was recently started for the people in my building and for my major. I was so happy I got to go. It was really small and just five of us but we basically played games and talked and got to know each other. I really enjoyed that, definitely an answer to prayer, getting plugged in with girls my age at school.

So that was my Tuesday, what did you guys enjoy about today?? Anyone else excited for Greys Anatomy to come back on Thursday??? I know I am! Jackson, that is all I am going to say. Ha! Thoughts and Comments below. 

Instagram Blog Hop Saturday 2/22

Hi friends! Here we have the Instagram Blog Hop link up! Come join and follow me on Instagram and meet other friends! Its a great way to grow your blog and get new followers. Show some loveeee!
Im at Danceeinthegarden

Happy Saturday! :)

Trying to Fix the Situation

How many times have you witnessed a family member or a friend go down a path that you knew was wrong for them? One too many right? Sitting back when the ones you love make bad decisions is hard.  I'm over here like screaming out no! Don't go there! Go this way! That's not a good idea!

That easily turns into - well that's not what I think you should be doing, and my way is better than what your choosing for your life. Because I know what's best for you right? Haha! I mean my intentions are good. I want you to know the joy of living for Jesus and all the goodness that comes from that. When your holy, your happy.   I'm sitting here thinking just let Jesus have control!

There's a point where I need to take a step back and realize I'm not in charge of your life and I can't do anything to change your situation. I can encourage you and try to get you to see that what God has for you is far better than what you could try and do on your own, but you have to want it.

I was recently faced with something that I wanted to try and fix. I started to notice it made me angry, the way your living your life doesn't affect me whatsoever, but it started affecting the way others view Christianity and that made me so upset. How come though? This sort of stuff happens all the time. When people begin tainting the name of Jesus it becomes personal. We already have enough people calling Christians hypocrites don't go and give them more reasons! Please! I value Him and then it becomes hard to extend GRACE. "It's the very thing we are hesitant to extend when we are confronted with the guilt of others- especially when their guilt has robbed us of something we consider valuable." - Andy Stanley-
Wait wait wait but that's the whole point of Christianity. Grace. It's something that I definitely have been having a hard time extending. It's something I've been convicted of. God had me open up to the book of Hosea and it was clear that my heart wasn't in the right place. I can't control anybody and can't even control my own life no matter how hard I try. I can't fix anyone. God is in control, he's the one who fixes and heals.
God will transform the valley of trouble into a gateway for hope. Hosea 2:5

A gateway for hope! Do you see that people?? Hope! He turns our bad into good. He is is bigger and his plan for our life always leads to goodness. Jesus is bigger. His glory is bigger. He has triumphed over our stupid mistakes so who am I to say anything about your life? Hosea 4:1-4
His grace covers it all.


When Jesus said it was finished he meant it. So I really need to stop, because I'm no better. I can try to show favor to those who I agree on life decisions with, but God doesn't. He's loves us even when we go against him. He really showed me that I'm a sinner just like everyone else. And that's a duh, but really a good reminder. When I'm not being humble, I'm glad The Lord is always there to remind me of my place and to show me that I need to be careful so that I don't try and take the place of him. "When I lose humility I am unable to show compassion." A wise friend told me that. :)
That statement can't be more true.

This song really hit me with this line "you've made this sinner holy, ....cause your glory is so beautiful" Song is by All Sons and Daughters - Your Glory

And really His glory is so beautiful and bigger than any of this, anything your facing and anything I think. Try to keep this in view. It's easy to lose sight.

His glory is bigger.

Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

I was reading a few days ago and I came across this blog post from Two Thirds Hazel about things she was afraid to tell. At first glancing at the post, I thought oh what a great idea and I love reading stuff like this. I was expecting to read a few thoughts of hers that were funny of situations or people she may have been in or experienced. I love stuff like that and was ready for a good laugh. Well I was a little wrong and it was much different from what I had thought. Still very good, and inspired me to write a post of my own on the same topic. So here's my own take on it. This is a list of "things i'm afraid to tell you."

//One// I have a huge fear of my family not being saved, and never knowing/ feeling the love and joy of Jesus.

//Two// I didn't get to grow up with a mother because she passed away when I was two years old, and honestly I wouldn't change a thing if I could. I've loved just growing up with my awesome single dad. He's been playing both roles and It doesn't bother me that I've never had a mother. (I have three older sisters who have done the best they could to be there for me in motherly ways, so it's not like I had zero women in my life...and many other great women who have been a big influence).

//Three// I hate politics and I don't watch the news, and probably have no idea whats going on in the world. Thats sort of embarrassing, but I don't really care. Its all depressing and gives me major anxiety. I know Jesus reigns over all, but it still freaks me out. So I avoid it, problem solved.

//Four// I absolutely hate cardio anything. Ive been dancing since I practically started walking and I love it, but I have like no stamina. I would rather lift weights and do a million sit-ups before running a mile. With that being said, I will still do cardio because it is an important part of being healthy and exercising. I just hate it.

//Five// I don't really enjoy guy movies, and I am sure theres a ton of movies you have watched that I have never even heard of. When people ask me to watch super hero movies or action movies, my response is typically~ no thanks. I'll watch chick flicks and disney movies all day though, except Cars, or like that Lego Movie because that obviously classifies as a boy movie.

//Six// A lot of people annoy me. As much as I love being social and being around people, I love it just as much to not be around people. I really feel a lot of people don't know how to be a real human being and that they never make any sense. Maybe thats just me, and maybe I'm the one who never makes any sense. Ha.

//Seven// I cry almost every time I think about my dog Bailey getting older, because I don't think I gave her the best puppy years she could have had. I could have given her more walks, more cuddles, more treats, more fetch....I've had her since I was nine and I don't think she has much left in her.

//Eight// I am not sure how people get through life without Jesus. If you don't have a personal relationship with him, I believe you're really missing out. I should be bold enough to say that to your face, but its not easy and I'm not. But really your missing out and he has so much in store for you and wants to build a relationship with you. You should get to know him. He's always there and always listens. He's the bestest friend. :) But anyways I think you're missing out and kinda crazy if you don't know him.

//Nine// I hate and I'm incredibly afraid of driving. It gives me the WORST anxiety ever. Im not afraid of my driving, I just have no trust in other drivers. I am almost certain they 100% have no idea what they are doing. I wish someone could chauffeur me around all the time, but then again maybe not 'cause I don't trust others driving either. Ha!

//Ten// Im in school, but I actually don't like being a student. I'd rather be teaching then learning, but I would never become a teacher. I don't like sitting in class. I'd almost rather being doing anything else.  For now I'm still in college pursuing my degree though.

Well thats some of me and a side I don't usually share. :) Hope you learned about me, and please share some of your own. Link back or comment!

Until next time friends.

Five on Friday

So newly single this Valentines Day after 5 1/2 years was a bit weird I must admit. Still a lovely day nonetheless. Anyways, It's a Friday and its the weekend so that in itself is something to be excited about.

So first we have

Chocolate covered strawberries...My favorite. They are my potluck go to. Easy to make and easy to devour. ANDDD even when you don't have a valentine, chocolate never lets you down. NEVER.

Two~ is my new bike. Even though I would have preferred to have another color, it is still so cute, and is a huge help to get around campus. 

Three~ would be the movie Frozen. I've watched it at least 3 times within the last week and I still haven't gotten tired of it. 

Four~ Awkward Valentines Day Cards. It speaks for itself.

Five~ Last, but not least is my new fragrance that my sister bought me for Valentines Day. Viva La Juicy La Fleur, from a girl who was hooked on strictly Viva La Juicy only,  I was surprised that I fell in love with their new scent. Good job Juicy, good job. I am one very happy customer. :)

Transitioning

So it's a new season and I am trying to accept it and move on, but every time I think about how much time and effort went into the last season of my life, I feel like I just can't get over this bump..actually it is more like a wall. I begin to get angry, I begin to get sad, and I begin to question. Im trying to hold on to something that God wants me to let go of, but how do I go about doing it?

A question...

Why would God take away something so good? Doesn't he want what's best for his children, and he makes all things work together for the good of US....

But it is funny how when I think  that yes the Lord is for us and makes things work together for our good, I suddenly think that means it's  "what I want, what I think I need, and what I think is best for me" When actually that is not the case. How do I know what's best for me... my creator knows what's best for me, he made all the tiny delicate parts of my body and made me so detailed. He knows me better than I know myself.

I believe the Lord throws us hard trials to deal with because it makes us grow.. remember my blog I wrote growth well yeah I believe that and I hate the fact that theres no other way around this and this is Gods way of making me grow, let me tell ya. It is not fun and it sucks. (I'm being real) I believe God wants to strengthen me in areas that I may be weak in and bless me. Even though I can't see his purpose now, I need to give it over to God and trust that he has my best interest at heart, because he does. He promises that. You know that quote "God only gives you what you can handle" well I think that is so true, buttttttt I feel like this part should be added "God only gives you what you can handle, because he promises to be there for you every step of the way!" How else would we get through it??? On our own? Ha good luck. Hasn't that failed before?

 "God doesn't give us what we can handle; God helps us handle what we are given."
He is there for me and he is with me helping me through it all. Immanuel-God with us. He promises.

I wrote this down and it's just some of my thoughts and me directing it to God so I though I would share.

-You said you would finish the work in me, a promise to bring me closer to you and your heart. Though I cannot see it, and it hurts and it doesn't seem to make sense now, please give me a willing spirit, no matter how hard it is. Give me a driving passion for you and to chase after all that you are. I choose joy, and I am filled with hope because you are with me. I have been filled with the joy of your presence. I can't do it on my own. I know that I am not alone, because you promised you would be by my side every step of the way. You are Immanuel.-

Jesus chooses to have a personal relationship with me and wants me to bring him my problems. He is transforming me and finishing the work. That process I cannot do on my own. This new season is going to be good, even though the transition is hard. I know this because I know my God is with me and promises me goodness.

Some verses that encouraged me

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me
~Psalm 51:12

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever
~2 Corinthians 4:17

So to wrap it all up, I know he is working on transforming me to be more like his son and yeah like I said it hurts and it sucks, but ya know what I have to remember  :) "Consider it pure joy"

Consider it pure joy my brothers and sister whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces PERSEVERANCE
~James 1:2-3

Purpose

Ever wonder what God is telling us and where he wants to lead us? Me too. I think it is so easy for the enemy to sneak in and tell us we are ok where we are. Comfortable and content. But The Lord has much bigger plans in store for us. Is there a goal in your life you are trying to reach? Are you trying to find your purpose in life? Well, let me tell you that finding Jesus gives hope and purpose. I started writing down a few things that stuck out to me when thinking about some of the things The Lord gives me.

Love, purpose, grace, peace, worth, a forever, hope, joy, wisdom, strength, and freedom.


I've been thinking lately and just been uncomfortable sitting back while there are millions of people being trafficked everyday. I want to see restoration for trafficked victims and people being saved and I want to see them find freedom. Freedom from slavery and finding their freedom in Jesus Christ.

A purpose The Lord gives us all is to spread love and the gospel and to make Jesus known throughout the world.

Not only is that my purpose, but also It's also my purpose to see slavery go from 27 Million to 0.

I just encourage you guys to really think about these questions when finding your purpose, Are you putting The Lord first? Are you putting others second, and then yourself? When putting God first everything else falls into place. Seek the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33)

Who does it honor?

Don't give up and know The Lord wants to use you too, he has far better plans in store than anything you could possibly think of. He can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)  let him lead you and show you the incredible joy that comes with following The Lord.  Just thought I would share a little bit more of where I'm at and how I'm being encouraged.

For we are gods masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

Catching up

So it's been about a month since I've last been on. The holidays have been crazy. Finals went really well, and I passed my classes with good grades. First semester down at big kid college done! Woohoo. Christmas for me was chill, and I had a great 22nd birthday spent at Disneyland. I was happy to be home visiting family and friends and mostly my home church. It's seriously such a blessing to come back and be apart of something going on in my hometown and be able to see what The Lord is doing there. Before I left, I was on our junior high ministry and I lead a small group of juniors high girls, so it's really great to come home and see them and to let them know I'm still apart of their lives. Another big thing is I love being apart of the college ministry at my church and catching up with good friends and just get filled with love and prayer from everybody at our college group. It's very encouraging to know I'm still apart of something great.

As well as being apart of those great things I'm also so happy to get together with my mentor and three really great girls who I consider to be some of my very best friends. :) we are currently in a year long bible study group, we get together once a month which works because I come home about that often or if I can't they are able to Skype me in. Which has only happened once and we are about 5 months in. We go through different books and we are currently reading The Grace of God, and it is so good. The book has really transformed the way I look at people. Of course like anyone I struggle greatly at extending grace to others, but by the grace of God he allows me to see that, and gives me the strength to work on that.

My day turned around. :)

After spending the day doing tons of homework and studying I noticed myself getting really irritated all day. At everything. I mean I was so on edge about the littlest things. After complaining to myself and my friends, they kept telling me pray and I was just thinking well is that going to make all of the annoying things stop being annoying? Well later I thought no it's not, but it would change my heart. So I wasn't so easily irritated and upset.  So I prayed and you know how when your mad and upset and all you want to be is mad and upset. Well yeah that was me. I just wanted to sit in my irritation, which is totally bad and not letting God take over my heart and the situation, but remember how I mentioned in another blog that even when my prayers aren't exactly what they should be God continues to be faithful and is looking to get me to let him take control and wants me to grow. Yeah well that he did and I'm always so encouraged by what he's doing in my life.



So here I am today a little less than a day after my eventful day and again I am amazed at how he always draws me back in to him. Why am I surprised!?!?
 ...he's always faithful.. I don't know, because I'm me and for some reason even though God has never given me a reason to lack trust I still struggle with that. Don't we all? Well I'm so grateful he remains faithful, even when I am faithless (2 Tim. 2:13)

This morning as I was spending time with The Lord and he brings me to this Isaiah 55 and this is just a little part of the bible where I am comforted by the lords promises.  But I was just thinking and praying and I was so thankful that God woke me up another day by his grace he gave me understanding and wisdom to see his love and his faithfulness and by his spirit gave me the ability to trust him. BY HIM, there is nothing I did or could do to deserve that kind of great love.

Just as the sun rises everyday as it is promised, our God remains true to carry out his word and his promise.

Some of the verses that encouraged me this morning :)

Isaiah 55:9-10

Psalm 118